What I learned about energy and love—When I started living like I was already married

After years of being single and doing deep energy work to attract love, I felt a shift. I was ready—not to search, but to live in alignment with the love I knew I was ready to receive.

For a long time after my divorce, I carried a longing: I wanted to create a new kind of family. One built on friendship, emotional safety, mutual respect, and joy. Not just for me—but for my daughter. But no matter how deeply I desired it, the dream felt just out of reach.

It wasn’t until I began looking at this desire through the lens of energy that things started to change.

We often think of “asking” the universe as something we do once in a while—through prayer, vision boards, or intention-setting. But the truth is, we’re always asking. Not just with our words, but with our energy. Our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and habits form a vibration—and that vibration sends a signal into the universe.

I had been asking for love, but underneath that request was fear. Fear of being alone, of not being good enough, of getting it wrong again. And even though I wasn’t saying those things out loud, energetically I was still holding them. That was the vibration I was sending out.

And the universe, always responding to vibration, was simply matching me where I was.

Through years of dedicated personal energy work and with the guidance of my teacher, I gradually learned how to release what wasn’t mine—old stories, ancestral patterns, internalized pressure, fear. I began to understand that energy clearing isn’t a one-time event. It’s an ongoing process. Just like we care for our physical hygiene, we also need to tend to our energetic space regularly—clearing out what’s heavy, outdated, and unhelpful.

Over time, I noticed something powerful: the more grounded, aligned, and self-loving I became, the less I felt the need to “find” love. I was living it—through the way I treated myself, the way I showed up for my daughter, the way I created peace in our home.

And then, in early 2018, something shifted again. I felt ready to welcome in a romantic partnership—not from need, but from wholeness.

So, I made a quiet choice: I began to live as if the relationship I longed for was already here.

I didn’t tell anyone. But I bought myself a simple gold ring and wore it as a reminder: I am already loved. I printed a photo of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice—two equals joined by friendship and mutual respect—and taped it on my wall. When I walked down the street, I imagined my partner beside me. I felt the steadiness of his presence. The joy of being seen and supported. The peaceful knowing that we were walking life together.

I wasn’t trying to manifest him with urgency or obsession. I simply lived from the energy I wanted to share and experience. I began showing up as if he were already here—as if I were already married, living in a grounded, balanced partnership rooted in love and mutual respect.

And then, I let it go. I stopped chasing the outcome. Every time my mind tried to figure out how or when, I reminded myself: This or something better. The universe knows.

At the end of that same year, I met the man who is now my husband. What began as friendship naturally transformed into a relationship. Not because I forced it, but because the vibration I had been cultivating made room for it.

This experience didn’t guarantee a specific result. But it did help me understand this deeper truth:

We don’t attract what we want. We attract what we are a match for.

That’s why energy work matters. When we clear, align, and nurture our inner state, we shift the signal we send into the universe.

I’m still doing this work today. Energy alignment isn’t a final destination—it’s a practice. Some days it’s easy. Some days it’s messy. But each time I ground myself in the present, I remember: I can choose the energy I bring to this moment.

And that energy shapes what I’m open to receive.

So if you’re holding a quiet desire—whether it’s love, peace, clarity, or a fresh start—pause and ask yourself:

What energy am I putting out into the universe?

Am I rooted in fear… or in trust?

You don’t have to wait for your outer life to change to begin living from love. You can become that love now—in the way you think, feel, and show up for yourself.

And in time, the outer world begins to reflect the clarity you’ve created within.